Tuesday, February 09, 2010;
Just had a bad dream...
Reminds me of when I was a kid and my dreams were so vivid that I didn't realize it was just figments of my imagination. I can still remember a dream where I went to school in my night gown, back when I still wore one to sleep in primary school. And I can still remember how confused and embarrassed I felt, one of those days when I wish it never happened or that I could rewrite history or, failing that, to erase it completely from my memory hoping somehow that our memories work like a music player - if this bad 'song' is deleted from the main folder then others can't find it or trace it back to its source and won't be able to listen to it again. Didn't realize that it's just a dream and that I can really tell myself it never happened and that 'history' can indeed be changed.
But every time I watch a show where a kid has a nightmare and the parents wake the child up and comfort the child, telling the child it's just a dream and everything's alright, I still thought it was pretty silly. I mean, it's so obvious, isn't it? You have a bad nightmare with weird creatures and creepy places or something and you wake up to find yourself in the comfort of your own bedroom and your beloved parents there to give you a hug, it couldn't get any more obvious that it's all just a dream, could it? I sometimes have to resist the urge to go 'yeah, duh' when they do that, it seemed so pointless to me.
Until I have a bad dream and yearn to be hugged and comforted and told that it really IS just a bad dream... Suddenly all those obvious statements don't seem so redundant after all.
I just long to be assured that even though all my worst fears became a reality for that 45 minutes and everything that held my life together finally crumbled and fell apart, it's all not true. That even though the things that happened in my dream was close to reality, it's just a misunderstanding, that you're stronger than I realized, better than I thought.
Yet once again, it led to another hurtful confrontation, unresolved as usual. Guess it's weak to need to be reassured every now and then, is it? That even though we think very differently and thus interpret every action differently, I should still be able to see the answer for myself.
Feels just like getting the wrong answers for tutorial questions, being scolded by the tutor then told to come back next week for another round of this without any right answers or explanations given each time. And probably just told to pay more attention during lectures which are taught in a language that's no different from Latin considering what little I understand of it.
Lying in my bed
I hear the clock tick and think of you
Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new
Flashback warm nights
Almost left behind
Suitcase of memories
Time after
Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me
I can't hear what you've said
Then you say go slow
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I will be waiting
Time after time
After my picture fades
And darkness has turned to gray
Watching through windows
You're wondering If I'm OK
Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time
You said go slow
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds
-Time After Time-
originally by Cyndi Lauper
When will we ever understand the differences between the way men and women think and their different emotional needs and learn to work around it?Labels: Lyrics
stuck on you
11:15 am
1 Hugs
Flame will be there if im not there at least :^)
Give a hug
, at
10:27 pm, February 09, 2010
